Piddlin' Along

Piddlin'? Just what is that anyway?

It's the act of taking productive baby steps and making small strides over large amounts of time. That's exactly what life has been like for me lately. I press forward... piddlin' my way  along this wellness journey. Sometimes, I am encouraged by th sense of community around me and other times I have to encourage myself.  Othertimes, I joyfully fall flat on my face until an ache here or there serves as my body's built in alarm system. It tells me that I have gone way off the deep end and that while simple indulgences here and there are fine; I must continue to stay the course in order to stay well. Walking the walk is not always easy. I realize that I am not a super-shero after all. I am in fact, quite a human who is practicing the daily walk of Being.

I am aware of showing up for myself daily in the most authetic way that I know to at the time. I am humbled always by the fact that somehow, I am always grounded in my process, walk and journey.

When I was super sick years ago with Fibro, I asked for healing. I realize that it is at hand and always has been available to me. It (healing and recovery) is not something that always happens in an instant. Sometimes it begins with a change of mind which then influences core beliefs, change of habits/lifestyle which in turn ultimately creates the sought after (or not sought after) results.

The bottom line is that we are always creating something and at this moment I choose to create the miracle of continuing to feel better.That starts with the daily renewal and committment of just keeping it real and doing my best. That's all I can ask of myself. Period.        

Short and sweet

Amazing strides. I was featured on the new website for Oprah's OWN TV site this week and words can not express how happy I am with how it turned out. Of all the things we talked about Fibromyalgia and recovery made it way front and center. Here is a link for you to check out:

http://www.oprah.com/own/blog_detail.html?eid=208099422&bid=29

Freedom and Healing

In September 2008, on a trip back east I decided to cut my hair. I had been thinking about it for quite sometime and felt and inner something telling me that it was time. I felt change quickly coming upon me and cutting my hair was kinda like the catalyst for the change that was to come. With the exception of a couple of inches here and there over the years, I never really consider cutting a substantial amount of it off.

I decided to start wearing my hair natural and to stop combing it 13 years ago. This was a liberating time for me in which I realized that my beauty was not determined by whether or not I chose to relax it or wear it straight. I decided that I wanted to liberate myself from all of the chemicals and just see what would come of it after a while. It's been quite a journey of learning, loving, accepting and growing.

So while I was in NYC, I visited the shop that initially started me on my hairlocking journey. I went to Khamit Kinks and had the stylist chop off about 12 inches in the back and eight inches in the front. I still got my nappy do. Quite a change for me. Of course now, I look at my hair in picutres from before and think... wow...I really cut my hair. I guess I should put I pic up at some point. I am sporting an A-Line bob. I have to say, I like it. I really like it!

The hair represented a huge weight of all of the issues that I have overcome in the past: my weight, issues with my dad, addiction to food, self-sabatage, people pleasing, and recovering from fibromyalgia and a host of other health ailments.

A few days before, I took my mom out to Pure Food and Wine raw foods restaurant in NYC. I needed her to know just how much of an impact eating this way has had on me, not just physically but spiritually and emotionally as well. I explained that eating this way was birthing things in me that were unfamiliar in a compassionate sort of way. I wanted to share this divine dining experience with her. I told her that I needed to go and see my dad. I always felt that somehow I had to choose between the love of my dad and loyalty to my mother for all that she went thru as a single parent. But I realized recently that choosing to befriend my dad is not a slight to my mom. It is a gift to myself and an act of honesty regarding my feelings. She was super supportive and told me the story of how she only got to make things right with her dad when he was on his death bed. She said that I had a rare opportunity to excercise compassion despite how much hurt I had experienced over the years. She told me that she was proud of me.

So, the day after,cutting my hair, I made the trip 2 hours south near Philadelphia and spent time with my father. He had been absent for most of my life. He lived in Arizona and I lived in NJ. When I graduated college, he moved to a small town in South Jersey. By this time, I had moved out of my mom's house and away from NJ (spent 2 years traveling as a singer on cruise ships) and started experiencing the world on my own terms as an adult. Our (my dad and me) relationship in recent years had been topsy turvy to say the least. However, something beckoned me to choose higher ground and go see my dad.

We spent the weekend together just really getting to know each other in a way that time, proximity and circumstance had not allowed for in years past. I let go and forgave my dad for all of the hurt that I endured. The reality is, he and my mom were young and hotheaded and I am sure both were doing the best that they could based on what they had to work with. But when you have two parents who don't see eye to eye sometimes the only real casualty of war are the kids. To be honest, we all are healing in our own ways. I am grateful for the time that we got to spend together and realized that I am a lot like my dad in many ways.

I am the best of both of my parents and it seems that we all realized that while I was home. It was an emotional time for me but I am glad that I swallowed my pride, dissolved my anger, overcame my fears and tooks the trip that was neccessary for my own self healing.

Interestingly enough, my mom has embraced raw in ways that I never imagined. Since September, she has lost 22 pounds via a series of herbal cleansings, colon hydrotherapy sessions, a 21 day juice fast and is now going on 30 days raw. And my dad? Well... he recently started juicing. WOW!!! how's that for healing and freedom!??!!

Clarity and A Cup Of Tea

Sitting here at 6:47am sipping a cup of Milk Thistle tea. The quiet, the stillness and tranquility of early morning calms my soul and makes me realize just how precious these quiet times are.

I quit my "day job" in November 2008 and I started my business full time in January, 2009 and haven't looked back since. This totally accounts for the absence of blogs because there just wasn't the time to really sit down with a clear enough thought about which to write. Life for me over the last few months has been incredible, busy, hectic, exciting, scary, a roller coaster and then some.

The ride has been awesome. The colon hydrotherapy business is doing well, and I am finally starting to find my way in the world of entrepreneurism. Additionally, I am learning the important lessons that come with maintaining balance in both business and personal life. It's hard to not have a day, moment or hour where I am NOT constantly thinking about the biz-ness....not good (a sure sign that balance calls)

There is always that thought that "I could be doing this" or "I should be doing that", but I remember how the chaos of constantly being on "GO mode" contributed to my becoming sick all those years ago.

So here I am listening to the silence that comes with early morning and I have such clarity. I know that I must make time to take good care of me. To not do so is no longer an option. It is imperative to my well being and health to have moments of quiet where there are no thoughts and anxiety about life and all that has to be done to further feed the need for consumption.

I am in a much clearer place now where I know that simplicity is the key to abundance. It's not about the getting, hoarding, consuming, accomplishing and hustle that seems to invade the psyche of so many (myself included). I have to remind myself often to slow down, to be still, to be here now. There is more than enough chaos to go around without my further adding to it.

Instead, I am choosing to stand in this healing space of simply knowing that IAM ok and that all is well this morning, today and everyday.

Detoxing Our World

This week, I am in New York City studying with Manhattan Nutritionist Natalia Rose, author of The Raw Food Detox Diet and notable colon therapist and catalyst for healing, Gil Jacobs. Words can not describe the awesomeness of such an experience.

Yes! It's cold here but the warmth that I and about 20 others from around the world, have received from Natalia and Gil has been amazing and well worth enduring winter's chill. Not to mention the friendships and bonds that have been created. There are people from as far as Australia who have come to attend this training. Truly, I believe that we as a circle represent the greater consciousness that is taking place around the planet.

People are finally waking up to themselves in a very real and authentic way. And while to some, this may sound like a bunch of new age mumbo jumbo, it (the awakening) is as real as the wiggle of a big toe. It's obvious. It's something that we can all feel, experience and contribute to. The planet is experiencing a paradigm shift in which folk are finally starting to realize that we are each others keeper, that we can heal ourselves, our lives, our relationships, our spirits.

This was more than a visit to NYC to learn more about cellular cleansing and nutrition. It was more than protocols for safe and effective detoxification. At some unspoken level, this was a confirmation of the changes that we are all either experiencing or wanting to experience regardless of whether we are even aware of it or not. On some conscious and in some cases unconscious levels, we will Love to have the final word in how we live our lives, how we love ourselves and in turn each other, and how we free ourselves from the collective consciousness of various addictions.

I am happy to be a bridge and to be a part of a much bigger picture that yet remains to be fully seen. However the vision is yet for an appointed time. I have come away with alot of knowledge. But most importantly, I take with me the spirit of our teahcers and the 20 others who after this weekend will go to his or her neighborhood, community or corner of the world to plant seeds of healing within "the village". In so accomplishing this, we humbly begin with ourselves. For there is no healing in the without unless it starts first within.

Detox the World mind, body and soul! It is here. It is now.



Humbly,



I AM

Thoughts, rants, words and fibromyalgia

I honestly think that a large part of getting better is believing that it's possible.

Research and studies are good but it get's to a point where ya' have to ask yourself, "Whose report will I believe? Man or God's?". Yeah. There are alot of the research and studies that indicate that there is no known cause or cure. Heck, my doctor outright told me that I should just get used to this because this is how it will always be.

I am paraphrasing here: "Just take the meds and it will help you feel better. Forget about yoga that could complicate things. Stretching may help but it's deeper than that. Release the notion that food could possibly have something to do with it. Just keep on taking the meds and you'll feel better".

I think that it is easy to get stuck in the miry pit of accepting that it is what it is and that life will always be painful. It's interesting to me that some of us are content with playing the starring role of victim. This clearly becomes obvious even in how we verbally identify with a fibromyalgis diagnosis. "My fibromyalgia is acting up". "I HAVE Fibromyalgia".

Why own what clearly does not belong to us? If God made this body, can't we, through our use of natural law be healed? I am a believer, receiver and witness of the proof that it's possible to recover. However, it seems like impossibility is ingrained in our consciousness at such a deep level that we aren't even aware of it. We use terms to support this hidden belief without even giving thought to what the words really mean.

For example if you search the internet, you'll find a ton of information or tags that are in some way shape or form reflective of "Fibromyalgia Support" or "FM Support Group". I call this type of thinking victom syndrome. We love to sit around and complain about how bad we feel, how horrible it is. But the moment it is suggested that we eliminate or at best limit the foods that contribute to inflammation such as meat protein, caffeine, sugar, white flour and sugar products, we gag at the possibility.

Some of us are simply content with our weekly Fibromyalgia support group meetings. At least there, we are safe to hide and jump on the bandwagon of the complainer next to us. Why be in support of FM?

Why not be in support of recovery, wellness, healing, hope? Words have such power when it comes to taming the mind. I prefer the term "FM wellness or Recovery Support". It does so much more to inspire a feeling of hope and a picture of possibility within the mind. For as we think in our hearts, we ultimately become. It is done to us in accordance with how or what we believe.

Our thoughts thoughts become our words and our words determine our behavior. Words have the ability to act as a hypnotic mantra for who we are and ultimately how we are.

So many, are content with fighting for disability, staying medicated and accepting the mundane-ness of "what is". There is very little regard given to the same energy that can be given to getting well. Let's face it. Lifesyle changes such as exercising when your body hurts or changing your eating to include life force foods such as fruits and vegetables that you never knew existed is hard. Likewise choosing to stay disabled, medicated, in pain and resigned to hopelessness... ain't easy. It's just a matter of which one you will chose.

Life is more than hopeless resignation. However, there is a very fine line here. Perhaps disablity, meds and support groups are needed in order to get clarity and a time out from the daily stressors that contribute to ill health.

I myself, was on meds for a time (lest I forget). And yes, it did serve a purpose. It alleviated the pain just enough for me to even be able to clearly think about what was next. What was I going to do to co-create the healing in my body that I longed for? That I knew to be my birthright? In the midst of it all, there seemed to be moments, however small, of hope in between. Those small moments or glimmers are what ushered me into a discovery of holistic wellness. I had to get sick and tired of my old complaining pain-filled existence before I was to become ready to take action.

We have to want it. No matter what it takes. Yeah it's hard. But so is getting up early in the morning for work when you clearly want to stay in that warm bed. But ya' know what? We do it anyway. Because we know that if we don't work, we don't get paid, and if we don't get paid then we can't take care of the basic necessities of life and pleasure.

I remember my life before. I was bedridden for 6 months, uncertain of my life, struggling to go to work, brain fogged, lethargic, pain-filled, depressed, overweight. I fast forward to the life that I live now. What a difference! Today, (6 years later) I am a totally different woman.With each day, I am better, stronger, slimmer, wiser, kinder to myself, energetic, pain free, optimistic, joyful and hopeful.

I get clients who complain about the pain and how miserable it is. But then when asked if they are following the steps to wellness, they stutter, make excuses or sometimes out right say that they can't do it or don't have the time to pursue healthier choices.

If we pushed ourselves holistically as much as we make excuses and willingly hand over our power to the possibility of impossibility, what a transformation of healing that would be. For nothing can come to us unless we are willing to have it come through us. Ok. Ok. I'll admit. It's not easy. It's a heck of a process at times. It seems to involve a lot more energy than you have to give but... what if, just what if you exerted half of that energy towards taking the necessary steps (emotionally, physically and spiritually) to get better one day at a time?

I wonder what life would look like next week, next month or maybe even a year from now? Perhaps you'll look up six years from now like me. Would you even recognize your new self?

Just a thought for anyone who dares to try.

The Top 10 Things That FM Taught Me

Last year I had the opportunity to speak to a support group in Santa Clarita about living foods, cleansing, colon health and their impacts on my recovery. It was good to share and to enlighten those who suffer from FM and Chronic Fatigue. While some of them had heard of the living/raw foods movement or colon hydrotherapy, many of them were not familiar with just how powerful it is for optimal health and healing.

One of my mentors, Tegra Little recovered from stage IV cancer after embracing a 100% raw foods way of eating. This has been a huge inspiration for me whenever I feel like this isn't quite working and want to revert back to my old ways. But then I remember that old ways could lead to that old pain-filled life and clearly that's NOT what I want.

So I think of Tegra and others like her who have healed themselves. Their stories have been a mainstay in my consciousness as I too have experienced the healing benefits of eating this way. I can honestly say that I genuinely feel better when sticking to a living foods-based lifestyle. I do not consider myself a raw foodist per se' but I know that nutritional healing, cellular cleansing, proper food combining, digestive enzymes and good probiotic is key for me. Large intake of living foods provide a foundation for me. Likewise, seasonal cleansing and regular colonics are not rocket science for me. I simply know and do what has proven to feel good for my body and thankfully there has been a huge system of support in the form of family, friends, health and wellness mentors and associates.

I have found that freshly pressed vegetable green juice is the key to setting the foundation for each day. Also too much cooked food (especially during the day) just doesn't sit well on my tummy. I also have found that the gourmet dehydrated goodies of my raw, past now leave a bit to be desired. I am in a place now where large leafy green salads and simple meals seem to feel better to me.

My skin is clearer, the body aches and pains have dissipated, my thinking is clearer, I am still maintaining my weight, I sleep soundly (like a baby) and have a general sense of energy and wellbeing upon rising. As much as I delight in the sights and smells of the soul food of my past, I know that retreat is not an option. I have discovered a new form of dining that feeds my soul instead of zapping it one bite at a time. Because of this, I shall continue presssing on into my destiny of lifelong wellness through living foods (especially juicing) even if that means bumps, bruises, stumbling and backsliding along the way.

I try to articulate this to others with fibromyalgia and autoimmune illness and often find that there is a subtle disconnect and disbelief that one can really heal through nutrition. I recall just how painful my life was years ago when illness came for a visit. Like many who are faced with this lifechanging scenario, I too cried and mourned the loss of my former selves, and complained about how terrible it was to live every single day in a pain filled fog of lethargy and hopelessness. It would take time before I would finally decide to not be defined by the diagnosis and to choose to engage in my personal healing process. It finally rang true: "Fibromyalgia did not have to take over one's life....especially mine."

A few years ago I had the honor of speaking and singing at the Fibromyalgia Coalition International Conference in Kansas. I shared just how much fibro taught me. If we allow it to be so, we can honestly see the lessons in between the moments of pain and hopelessness. Fibro came to me as a teacher. What has it taught me? ALOT! However for the sake of a blog I'll list the top ten.

Top 10 lessons that a fibromyalgia diagnosis taught me:

• how to slow down and really BE
• it's ok to retire from "people pleasing"
• listening to my gut is my greatest tool for hearing my spirit
• it's ok to not always get everything done "right now"
• there is no honor in working myself into a pain filled hole when my body clearly gave me signals along the way that "enough is enough"
• I have the spiritual resolve to co-create with God in my healing process
• it is "done unto me as I believe" (when I stopped believing that I could not recover... the opposite happened)
• that family support is priceless
• I have the power within me to create a life that is worthy of feeling good every day
• God's great pharmacy really is found in nature's garden

The lessons and blessings are everywhere. We just need to be open to hearing and learning what they are. I wonder how many lessons, blessings and insights you can find in your life if you really chose to see it?